Ziplock

So, the wife-lady had an organ removed this past week. The stitches are hurting the poor dear, so I'm contemplating the installation of an easy Ziplock access port on her in case of future surgeries while sealing in Freshness. People cutting up my wife makes me cranky.

So I'm married to a sweet lady minus a gall bladder. Also minus a handful of painful gravel. They don't make replacement parts, so I can't take her back to the dealership.

Sweet Wife is recovering nicely, and thinks she's still Wonder Woman. I have purchased a cattle prod. Every time Wife goes to pick up Baby (which she is NOT allowed to do) I shock her. We've been doing this for about a week now. The Pavlovian response still hasn't kicked in yet. She still hears that baby cry, her arms go all outstretched like a zombie reaching for brains, and ZAP. Daddy brings the castigation.

When you get organs removed, you don't get to pick things up.

AT ALL.

That has made taking care of baby much more interesting for Dad, because that means I get to be the one pulling the kid out of the crib for latenight feedings. Two AM. Crying. Daddy picks up baby, carries her over to bed for feeding. Ten minutes later, Daddy picks up baby and places her back in crib. Repeat.

The older two have been much more complacent. Peanut butter sandwiches and early Halloween candy have been the staple since last Tuesday. The children are still functioning normally, with only sporadic seizures.

Yes. I am an awesome Father.

Fun Fact: Did you know Vicodin makes you sleep, like, all the time? It does! Did you also know that it invokes acute envy from your insomniac spouse? You betcha!

That is all.

Time Machine Plans: SCRAPPED

Okay, I could handle raptors. I was fine with T-Rexes and tremendous bugs.

But this has ended all of my dinosaur-hunting fantasies.

Fossil find may document largest snake (Science News.org)

12.8 meters?

...

Oh, hell no.

Moving to Australia

I've been the victim of an elaborate con for the entirety of my 30-something years.

I'm moving to Australia. Taking the family, gonna buy some motorcycles and weapons. Then we'll scavenge oil and food for our livelihood. [edit: Also, we're going to start a rock band.]


Screw your system. Your system is busted.

See you round.

Lego Zombie Apocalypse

These guys are achievers.

WTS: 3 Bed 2 Bath, Great Neighborhood

Seriously, who needs homeowners insurance? Build them cute, but durable. Housing development for the End Times.