Friendly Reminder.

Tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day.

Go get yourself some goodies.

I may as well just quit now.

Best Story Idea Ever.

Was His Name-o.

APE BINGO.

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of Too Many Piercings

Saaaaaaaaan Francisco.

So, APE travelogue.

-Made the drive down to San Jose Friday night, met up with Herr Donkeljohn.
-Crashed.
-Woke up, ate delicious waffles, got ready.
-Missed the train. Played Forgotten Worlds and Sonic the Hedgehog on Don's still-functioning Sega Genesis. Shooting and Fighting.
-Missed the train again. Ate some lunch, decided to walk down to the train station and loiter.
-Rode the train, arrived at APE. It was quickly apparent that I'm not "indy" enough for APE. I knew that long beforehand, but the immediate confrontation with reality drove it home. Don and I basically wandered aimlessly, hoping to find something cool.

for (int i=0; i<999999; i=i+1)
{
LookAtBooth();
SearRetinasWithPoorlyDrawnImagesOfChicksBathingInBlood();
ScrubBrainByThinkingOfBunniesAndDaisies();
MutterUncomfortableSarcasticComment();
MoveToNextTable();
}

Don's quote really summed it up for me: "There's only so far you can get with black and red."

I don't really have problems with goths, I just stick out like a sore thumb when they congregate. It's not that I don't want to talk to them, it's that I'm too square for them to talk to me. Shrug.

So that was the negative.

Positive points:
- I did find some really neat cartoonists who were more in the funny animals (bathed in blood! no, I'm kidding.) genre. I will definitely be checking out their websites.
- Caught the art spiegelman/Franciose Mouly panel, which I really enjoyed. There was a neat discussion of using the whole page of a comic like the old Winsor McKay Little Nemo Sunday comic compositions, rather than just thinking of comics as a sequential group of images. Comics versus storyboarding. Worth the cost of entry.
- We randomly ran into Dan C. Johnson and Don introduced us. Chatted about kids and the iPhone.
- Got Runnerguy a Jim Mahfood sketch (It's coming). We kept stopping by his table and he'd be gone, or eating a burrito, or something. Finally, I just stood posted at his table like a guard at Buckingham Palace until he noticed me. Nice guy.

Highlights from the trip back:
Discarded thong on the street.
Drunken guy swaying and singing in the train station.

In summary, the trip was a success!
Many thanks to Don and family for food/shelter/one-liners!
------------------------------------------
Mission objectives completed: 100%!
Secrets found: 5/5!
You have unlocked a new weapon!

Done

The script for issue one is Done, heaven help me.

Just in time for APE.

I am so great with arbitrary, self-determined deadlines.

Oh, right, the title.

The book is called Decayed Orbits. Three issue miniseries, 22 pages per issue. Maybe.

Time slows down as you reach the speed of stupid...

APE is this weekend, and I will be there Saturday. Driving down Friday night.

We rented Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. Daughter's one-word review: "Cool!" I agree with her. Heavy environmentalism, lots of action, outstanding production design. It's a film you'll wish you could see the concept art for. The plot is iffy, but it's okay. Dubbed voice work by Patrick Stewart, Edward James Olmos, Uma Thurman.

If Miyazaki's environmental epics are like the Star Wars Trilogy, Nausicaa is A New Hope. Castle in the Sky and Princess Mononoke are Empire and Jedi. No, she hasn't seen Mononoke.

There's shooting in it, more than I expected. It's not ultraviolent, in fact it is very toned down, with very little blood. Daughter has finally associated guns with killing, which I'm not too concerned about. She made a gun out of Duplo blocks and shot me. She called it a "Boom" and told me I died. I agreed with her. We've been cautious about violence around her, and I'm just thrilled she got to age three before she figured it out. She's a very kind and helpful soul. Violence isn't part of her persona, but she digs a good action scene. She's very into drama.

Noob Runner stuff: My legs are falling off. I've almost beaten my college time in the mile and a half run (and I weighed a lot less then). I'm running between 2-3 miles per day. What's good for shin splints? I keep giving myself time to heal, and then they return whenever I push myself. Stretches, treatments, suggestions?

Still here.

I'm still here, just very busy.

Highlights: Potty training, running, trying to find quiet moments to write. Hoping for at least an hour tonight.

There was Easter in there somewhere.

The System Hates Dick Dale.

Screw it.

I was reading Mike Allred's The Golden Plates last night with my daughter. My boss lent them to me, how cool is that?

There's a beheading in the first few pages. It's not like I was surprised, I'm intimately familiar with the content.

My previous post. I am not going to worry about violence in my writing. I've been listening to far too many pacifist wusses for too long (including the one in my head).

As long as it's going somewhere, and not violence for violence's sake.

Now that I've clarified that to myself, I feel so much better.

My script is so awesome and so sucky. I kill people in my head.

I don't know.

Looking over my script, I'm seeing people getting shot and blown up.

I really don't hate people. I'm pretty sure I'm going somewhere with all this.

In my head, this whole story was a lot more James Joyce. Now it's like playing in the ball-pit at McDonalds, only the balls are all hand grenades.

I'm a little concerned, but also secretly pleased that my script is so cool.

Yes, I know. It's going to suck. But it will be so cool while sucking.

Maybe I need to stop watching 24.

Final cleanup, then ready for being ripped apart, I swear. It's "done."

Now it needs to be Done.

BANNED: Anvils, mallets, firearms, light bulbs, and butcher knives.

Me: "Why aren't you asleep?"

Daughter: "There's a mouse in my bed."

Me: "Really? Let me check it out."

Me: "I don't see anything, honey. Are you sure?"

Daughter: "Yes."

Me: "Where is he?"

Daughter: "Right there."

Me: "Hm. I don't see anything. Wait, is this an invisible mouse?"

Daughter: "Yes."

Me: "..."

Me: "Okay, what's his name?"

Daughter: "Jerry."

Me: "Of course it is."


Thank you, Mr. Quimby. Thanks a ton.

I am so happy for my friend...

... and I am not jealous in the least that Runnerguy got to meet Simon Pegg and Nick Frost from Spaced and Shaun of the Dead on Saturday.

And he saw Hot Fuzz.



Not jealous in the least. (Yes, he did kung-fu that old lady in the face.)


Freakin' freak. At least he sent pics. Not jealous.

Best Batman Pitch Ever:

Excerpt from an interview with Tony Millionaire at The Daily Crosshatch:

"Would you be interested in taking on a full Batman book?"

"Yeah, I’ve actually pitched them a few before."

"What kind of stories did you pitch?"

"I had one where Batman went completely broke. His corporation went completely broke. He was like, ‘should I throw this Batarang? These cost me $550 each. I’m not really sure I can afford to throw it. I should probably just run.’ And he had to sell all his cars and ride a bicycle around. If anyone sees him on a bicycle with his costume on, they’ll catch him, so he can’t even wear that anymore. He just has to wear a t-shirt and run around. They said, “no, we’re not going to do that” [laughs]. I’d like to do a story about the real Batman, what a real Batman would be like. Just some guy, who’s not really that rich. He’d just run around and try to figure out where the crime is. In my neighborhood, all he’d be doing is running up to cars where they’re selling drugs out the window."

Helpful brother.

Troy is helpful, friendly, courteous, and kind.

I believe this is my first appearance on the interweb.

I'm... internet infamous.



Update: Fixed.

Wondercon 2007: Part 6: The Final Revengemption

I tire.

Final Highlights:

- Rick Remender is filthy, and can turn Brian Posehn's ears red.

- Vertigo market drones spouting markety bleah with some BKV tossed in, looking pale. Seriously, Brian K. Vaughan has never been exposed to direct sunlight. Very nice fellow, though.

- Met Ryan Ottley and JH Williams III, filled with awesomeness.

- Art Adams can draw like the Dickens, but is slow like the... something.

- Mike Mignola dropped everything he was doing and drew me this, so, y'know, screw all y'all:



FINAL VERDICT: Did Not Die at Wondercon 2007.

Wondercon 2007: Part 5: "They're just head shots."

The Argent sketch I got from Matt Wagner:

Keen.

Wondercon 2007: Part 4: Killing Floor

I know, I know. Wondercon was a week ago, and in Internet-time, that's four eons.

Think of this as part of my memoirs from the eve of my electronic life.

Left the Loeb thingie, worked my way back down to the main hall. Worked is the correct verb. Things had gotten a bit crowded, exacerbating my anxiety a wee bit. I took a deep breath, went on autopilot, and channeled raw aggression.

I first hit the DC/Vertigo booth, where Pia Guerra of Y: The Last Man was signing. Impressions: way too nice to be in the room. She was seriously sweet, like your cousin who's never said anything bad about anyone. She really was that nice. She let me know that Y would wrap up in issue 60, and that she was sobbing every time she read though a new script. She signed a couple of my books, and I thanked her.

Matt Freakin' Wagner's booth was nearby, and he was signing. We meet again. I was not about to back down again so I jumped in the bearded guy's line. A sweet little pregnant lady and her husband/boyfriend were in line in front of me.

Her: "What do I say to him? I don't even know what he does!"
Him: "I think he draws 300. His movie's coming out."
Her: "What's his name?"

I was a bit confused, but helpful:

Me: "Just tell him that Christine Spar is your personal hero and that her internal conflicts were sharply juxtaposed with the geopolitical repercussions of Grendel's influence."
Her: "What?"
Me: "Tell him, nice comic books."

Matt was cool. There was a lady and her shy little daughter further up in line, and he sketched Batman for the little girl. He was not child-averse, which scores bonus points in my book.

He signed my comics and drew me a sketch of Argent. I babbled stupid things that I regret. It was really neat.

Note to self: Only at conventions can you feel so good about yourself while being such a complete retard.

Other note to self: Scan sketch and upload tonight to show off to jealous millions.

Wondercon 2007: Part 3: Why Aren't You Jeph Loeb?

At this point I hit the Oni table and picked up Scott Pilgrim Volume 1 and Capote in Kansas. I was looking for a trade of Wasteland, but no luck.

Spot my watch and it's almost 2pm. Time to check out the Jeph Loeb panel.

Jumped in line, started going through my con program, circling booths I wanted to hit before leaving. Listened to a couple of guys arguing about Hillary Swank being in the new TMNT movie (she isn't, but they reasoned if she was at the con, she had to be). Then the line started moving. I got pretty good seat, right by the speaker. The con organizers were very sensitive about their speaker volume and placement, and it was just right. I didn't get my eardrums blown out.

Mr. Jeph Loeb arrived alone. Loeb gives off a great "hardworking dad" vibe. I'm not really going to cover the topics he discussed, you can pick up the details at Newsarama or CBR, but I'll write about impressions. I was mostly impressed with Loeb's work ethic, which was apparent in his demeanor when he talked about his work. This is a guy who works full time on Heroes, and writes a handful of monthly comics on the side. He's a robot.

I will bring up one important point that stood out to me when I heard him speak. He was answering a question about the difference between himself and other less prolific writers. He explained that the fans can be very unforgiving with late creators, but that the late creators are even less forgiving of themselves. They fall behind because they want their work to be excellent. He said it was okay to be late, if the book was good. It was okay to be bad, if the book's on time. But if the book is bad and late, you're screwed. He said that in speaking with other writers/artists, the inclination is to say "It's got to be Watchmen."

Loeb's reply is "It's got to be done."

So yeah, I was repeatedly punching myself in the face on the way out of that room. Lesson learned, now working on the application.

It needs to be done. Tattoo that on my forehead.

Great spotlight, I was very glad I attended. Hearing Loeb speak was worth the price of admission alone.

That and hearing him pitch "Hulk: The Strongest There Is." That's going to be cool.

Wondercon 2007: Part 2: Let's Offend Everyone!

At roughly noon, I made my way into the main hall.

The main hall was fairly disorienting, as there are countless booths, hordes of costumed folk, and the map in the program is useless. I immediately tried to work my way towards the Artists Alley, consciously avoiding physical contact and not succeeding at all. Crowd anxiety started sinking in at this point.
I started down the autograph aisles, and quickly realized that I was entirely unprepared for this con. I had no game plan. I'm a computer guy. I work in procedures. I found myself standing by Matt Wagner's booth, suddenly aware that I was not psychically geared up to talk to strangers. I didn't have my "Retard-proof Script" that I could run if I found myself speaking incoherently and quickly excuse myself.
I ran away.
I wandered down each aisle, avoiding eye contact. Several folks tried to catch my attention and were very cordial, but I ignored them. A model-lady pressed some promotional materials into my hand, cheerfully telling me, "Don't worry, I don't bite!" I mumbled something and wandered away.
Finally, I snapped myself out of my near-fugue state. I got a hold of myself and decided to hunt down the DC booth. I didn't find it, but I did come across the Image Comics booth. Finally, familiar territory. I checked out the booth, looking over the books, hoping to recognize someone.

I did.

It was Rick Remender, Brian Posehn, and some other guy (Gerry Duggan). They were promoting their apocalyptic Santa story, "The Last Christmas."

I enthusiastically greeted Remender, got him to sign my Fear Agent comics, and made some noises about The Engine. I acknowledged Posehn's presence, and completely ignored Duggan. I think Brian was a bit surprised that I was ignoring the TV celebrity guy and chatting up the unknown penciler/writer guy, so I asked to purchase a copy of their trade paperback. The three of them kindly signed it. Brian made fun of how I spell my name, while Gerry was silent. I barely looked at him. He was very cool about it, but also seemed a bit aloof.

I thanked them, walked a short distance, and realized I had been a total jerk. It was one of many lessons I would learn that day.

When dealing with strangers, I still manage to offend people no matter how polite I strive to be.

I officially apologize now for not knowing who the heck he was. I bought his book, I hope that makes up for the affront. Next time I see Gerry Duggan, I'm totally going to act like his biggest fan and pretend that "The Last Christmas" is the only comic I've ever read.

I hope that doesn't offend him.

Wondercon 2007: Saturday Extravaganza! Part 1: The Quickenering

Got back from Wondercon last night around 10:30pm.

I only hit the con all day on Saturday, which longer than I was physically capable of and less than I needed.

The trip started Friday night when I drove down to visit my good friend Don and his parents, who kindly let me crash at their lovely home. We stayed up all night playing Alien Hominid on his Xbox 360 and talking about girls (our daughters). We beat the game on Medium difficulty, which was insanely hard for me. This was a good exercise in tenacity, which would serve me well later. Some Soviet Missile Mastar later on was a good exercise in futility, which would serve me not at all. PWNED.

Going to bed at 2am at 30 is different from going to bed at 2am when you're 18. I passed out and woke up at around 10 on Saturday. Ate a good breakfast, drove to the rail station.

Got on the train, got off the train. Did not die.

Walked to the con. A stormtrooper directed me to the pre-reg line. I was greatly relieved at this point, as I was certain I would outlive 80% of the attendees there, should a disaster occur. I try not to prejudge folk and measure myself against others, such comparisons are inherently unfair. But when you're standing next to a bare-chested beergut with a lightsaber and a Naruto headband, it's only a matter of simple mental arithmetic.

If Wondercon is the Donner Party, the Jedi/ninjas get eaten first. If you're not wearing a shirt and you've got a plastic sword, you're food. If you're dressed like Catwoman, you're hors d'oeuvres.