I am so happy for my friend...

... and I am not jealous in the least that Runnerguy got to meet Simon Pegg and Nick Frost from Spaced and Shaun of the Dead on Saturday.

And he saw Hot Fuzz.



Not jealous in the least. (Yes, he did kung-fu that old lady in the face.)


Freakin' freak. At least he sent pics. Not jealous.

Best Batman Pitch Ever:

Excerpt from an interview with Tony Millionaire at The Daily Crosshatch:

"Would you be interested in taking on a full Batman book?"

"Yeah, I’ve actually pitched them a few before."

"What kind of stories did you pitch?"

"I had one where Batman went completely broke. His corporation went completely broke. He was like, ‘should I throw this Batarang? These cost me $550 each. I’m not really sure I can afford to throw it. I should probably just run.’ And he had to sell all his cars and ride a bicycle around. If anyone sees him on a bicycle with his costume on, they’ll catch him, so he can’t even wear that anymore. He just has to wear a t-shirt and run around. They said, “no, we’re not going to do that” [laughs]. I’d like to do a story about the real Batman, what a real Batman would be like. Just some guy, who’s not really that rich. He’d just run around and try to figure out where the crime is. In my neighborhood, all he’d be doing is running up to cars where they’re selling drugs out the window."

Helpful brother.

Troy is helpful, friendly, courteous, and kind.

I believe this is my first appearance on the interweb.

I'm... internet infamous.



Update: Fixed.

Wondercon 2007: Part 6: The Final Revengemption

I tire.

Final Highlights:

- Rick Remender is filthy, and can turn Brian Posehn's ears red.

- Vertigo market drones spouting markety bleah with some BKV tossed in, looking pale. Seriously, Brian K. Vaughan has never been exposed to direct sunlight. Very nice fellow, though.

- Met Ryan Ottley and JH Williams III, filled with awesomeness.

- Art Adams can draw like the Dickens, but is slow like the... something.

- Mike Mignola dropped everything he was doing and drew me this, so, y'know, screw all y'all:



FINAL VERDICT: Did Not Die at Wondercon 2007.

Wondercon 2007: Part 5: "They're just head shots."

The Argent sketch I got from Matt Wagner:

Keen.

Wondercon 2007: Part 4: Killing Floor

I know, I know. Wondercon was a week ago, and in Internet-time, that's four eons.

Think of this as part of my memoirs from the eve of my electronic life.

Left the Loeb thingie, worked my way back down to the main hall. Worked is the correct verb. Things had gotten a bit crowded, exacerbating my anxiety a wee bit. I took a deep breath, went on autopilot, and channeled raw aggression.

I first hit the DC/Vertigo booth, where Pia Guerra of Y: The Last Man was signing. Impressions: way too nice to be in the room. She was seriously sweet, like your cousin who's never said anything bad about anyone. She really was that nice. She let me know that Y would wrap up in issue 60, and that she was sobbing every time she read though a new script. She signed a couple of my books, and I thanked her.

Matt Freakin' Wagner's booth was nearby, and he was signing. We meet again. I was not about to back down again so I jumped in the bearded guy's line. A sweet little pregnant lady and her husband/boyfriend were in line in front of me.

Her: "What do I say to him? I don't even know what he does!"
Him: "I think he draws 300. His movie's coming out."
Her: "What's his name?"

I was a bit confused, but helpful:

Me: "Just tell him that Christine Spar is your personal hero and that her internal conflicts were sharply juxtaposed with the geopolitical repercussions of Grendel's influence."
Her: "What?"
Me: "Tell him, nice comic books."

Matt was cool. There was a lady and her shy little daughter further up in line, and he sketched Batman for the little girl. He was not child-averse, which scores bonus points in my book.

He signed my comics and drew me a sketch of Argent. I babbled stupid things that I regret. It was really neat.

Note to self: Only at conventions can you feel so good about yourself while being such a complete retard.

Other note to self: Scan sketch and upload tonight to show off to jealous millions.

Wondercon 2007: Part 3: Why Aren't You Jeph Loeb?

At this point I hit the Oni table and picked up Scott Pilgrim Volume 1 and Capote in Kansas. I was looking for a trade of Wasteland, but no luck.

Spot my watch and it's almost 2pm. Time to check out the Jeph Loeb panel.

Jumped in line, started going through my con program, circling booths I wanted to hit before leaving. Listened to a couple of guys arguing about Hillary Swank being in the new TMNT movie (she isn't, but they reasoned if she was at the con, she had to be). Then the line started moving. I got pretty good seat, right by the speaker. The con organizers were very sensitive about their speaker volume and placement, and it was just right. I didn't get my eardrums blown out.

Mr. Jeph Loeb arrived alone. Loeb gives off a great "hardworking dad" vibe. I'm not really going to cover the topics he discussed, you can pick up the details at Newsarama or CBR, but I'll write about impressions. I was mostly impressed with Loeb's work ethic, which was apparent in his demeanor when he talked about his work. This is a guy who works full time on Heroes, and writes a handful of monthly comics on the side. He's a robot.

I will bring up one important point that stood out to me when I heard him speak. He was answering a question about the difference between himself and other less prolific writers. He explained that the fans can be very unforgiving with late creators, but that the late creators are even less forgiving of themselves. They fall behind because they want their work to be excellent. He said it was okay to be late, if the book was good. It was okay to be bad, if the book's on time. But if the book is bad and late, you're screwed. He said that in speaking with other writers/artists, the inclination is to say "It's got to be Watchmen."

Loeb's reply is "It's got to be done."

So yeah, I was repeatedly punching myself in the face on the way out of that room. Lesson learned, now working on the application.

It needs to be done. Tattoo that on my forehead.

Great spotlight, I was very glad I attended. Hearing Loeb speak was worth the price of admission alone.

That and hearing him pitch "Hulk: The Strongest There Is." That's going to be cool.

Wondercon 2007: Part 2: Let's Offend Everyone!

At roughly noon, I made my way into the main hall.

The main hall was fairly disorienting, as there are countless booths, hordes of costumed folk, and the map in the program is useless. I immediately tried to work my way towards the Artists Alley, consciously avoiding physical contact and not succeeding at all. Crowd anxiety started sinking in at this point.
I started down the autograph aisles, and quickly realized that I was entirely unprepared for this con. I had no game plan. I'm a computer guy. I work in procedures. I found myself standing by Matt Wagner's booth, suddenly aware that I was not psychically geared up to talk to strangers. I didn't have my "Retard-proof Script" that I could run if I found myself speaking incoherently and quickly excuse myself.
I ran away.
I wandered down each aisle, avoiding eye contact. Several folks tried to catch my attention and were very cordial, but I ignored them. A model-lady pressed some promotional materials into my hand, cheerfully telling me, "Don't worry, I don't bite!" I mumbled something and wandered away.
Finally, I snapped myself out of my near-fugue state. I got a hold of myself and decided to hunt down the DC booth. I didn't find it, but I did come across the Image Comics booth. Finally, familiar territory. I checked out the booth, looking over the books, hoping to recognize someone.

I did.

It was Rick Remender, Brian Posehn, and some other guy (Gerry Duggan). They were promoting their apocalyptic Santa story, "The Last Christmas."

I enthusiastically greeted Remender, got him to sign my Fear Agent comics, and made some noises about The Engine. I acknowledged Posehn's presence, and completely ignored Duggan. I think Brian was a bit surprised that I was ignoring the TV celebrity guy and chatting up the unknown penciler/writer guy, so I asked to purchase a copy of their trade paperback. The three of them kindly signed it. Brian made fun of how I spell my name, while Gerry was silent. I barely looked at him. He was very cool about it, but also seemed a bit aloof.

I thanked them, walked a short distance, and realized I had been a total jerk. It was one of many lessons I would learn that day.

When dealing with strangers, I still manage to offend people no matter how polite I strive to be.

I officially apologize now for not knowing who the heck he was. I bought his book, I hope that makes up for the affront. Next time I see Gerry Duggan, I'm totally going to act like his biggest fan and pretend that "The Last Christmas" is the only comic I've ever read.

I hope that doesn't offend him.

Wondercon 2007: Saturday Extravaganza! Part 1: The Quickenering

Got back from Wondercon last night around 10:30pm.

I only hit the con all day on Saturday, which longer than I was physically capable of and less than I needed.

The trip started Friday night when I drove down to visit my good friend Don and his parents, who kindly let me crash at their lovely home. We stayed up all night playing Alien Hominid on his Xbox 360 and talking about girls (our daughters). We beat the game on Medium difficulty, which was insanely hard for me. This was a good exercise in tenacity, which would serve me well later. Some Soviet Missile Mastar later on was a good exercise in futility, which would serve me not at all. PWNED.

Going to bed at 2am at 30 is different from going to bed at 2am when you're 18. I passed out and woke up at around 10 on Saturday. Ate a good breakfast, drove to the rail station.

Got on the train, got off the train. Did not die.

Walked to the con. A stormtrooper directed me to the pre-reg line. I was greatly relieved at this point, as I was certain I would outlive 80% of the attendees there, should a disaster occur. I try not to prejudge folk and measure myself against others, such comparisons are inherently unfair. But when you're standing next to a bare-chested beergut with a lightsaber and a Naruto headband, it's only a matter of simple mental arithmetic.

If Wondercon is the Donner Party, the Jedi/ninjas get eaten first. If you're not wearing a shirt and you've got a plastic sword, you're food. If you're dressed like Catwoman, you're hors d'oeuvres.

Three days...

Only three days until Wondercon, and I'm wondering why I have butterflies in my stomach. I already have a wife/girlfriend, it's not like I'm going on a date or anything. Why am I nervous?

Possible reasons:
- I've been reading horror stories from the NY Comicon.
- I'm going alone.
- I've never ridden the BART before.
- I don't know my way around San Francisco.
- I'm not an extrovert.
- I actually want to make contacts and bounce around script ideas.
- I hate crowds.
- I'm afraid I'll miss something.
- I'm afraid I'm going to piss off Mike Mignola.
- This is my first big con.
- This is my first con in roughly 15 years.

Aaaand I think that's the whole list. I feel like I'm 15 again.

When I was a kid, cons were fun, like birthday parties. Even when I went without any money, my friends and brothers were there, we'd get into trouble, and we'd have fun. We'd try new things (not substances). We'd talk to strangers. We'd waltz right up to folks with reputations and talk to them, because we had no idea who they were and why they were important.

About fifteen years ago I blew off meeting Colleen Doran because I was busy trying to trade a pile of Spawn Comics for some Lone Wolf and Cub issues. She drew princesses and crap. Am I kicking myself now? Dear me, yes.

I LARPed one time. Which was enough.

I met Chris Sprouse just as he was starting to pencil Robin. I never got his autograph because I only read Marvel or Dark Horse comics, and I thought DC sucked. I was that guy.

Our gang crashed so many roleplaying tournaments I was afraid we were going to be boycotted.

I met Roger Zelazny shortly before he died. I was an Amber fanatic. He asked me about my Tshirt, which is about the biggest compliment a distinguished writer can pay a depressed teenager.

I stayed up all night watching Vampire Hunter D and Akira and Black Magic M-66.

Maybe this is why I'm so nervous. Those were the good memories of my high school years. My positive high school memories compose a very short list. I guess I'm a little afraid I won't have as much fun this time around, and that I'm too much of a grown-up for all this.

I may be too responsible and firmly entrenched in reality to enjoy it.

Screw that noise. I'm going to go pick a fight with Darth Maul.

Do Yourself A Favor.

Go rent Orson Welles' Touch of Evil.

This film is ending my mostly unintentional Charleton Heston marathon.

It's meaty, morally ambiguous noir. The characters are people you've probably met, only with screwier lives. Heston's raw charisma is nearly overshadowed by the monolithic Welle's slouching silhouette in each of their shared scenes. This is two serious heavyweights going toe to toe, and it's great.

A car bomb goes off in a Mexican border town, which launches an investigation. Lives get ruined. People die. It's a great crime story.

At least check it out to see Heston playing a Mexican and Orson Welles slamming down candy bars.

A Call For Peace.

As our elected representatives debate the current status of the war, I would beg them to view the message below and solemnly consider their actions.



Biznizz. Yeah, c'mon.

I'm going to hell.

Check.

Busy, a bit.

Yesterday I read the entire Internet.

We got Kate to eat 14 whole bites of her dinner.

Finished plotting.

Wrote some.

Watched Lost, because I love my wife, and I got to sit next to her.

Dreamt about giant robots and robbing a Walmart (using said robots).

Con Plans, ah, yes, the Con Plans...

Okie dokie. Con season is rapidly approaching.

Here's the rundown:

I will definitely be at Wondercon on Saturday, March 3 in San Francisco.

Depending on how Wondercon goes, I will possibly be attending APE on Saturday, April 21 in San Francisco.

I plan on being at the San Diego Comicon. Probably will arrive the night of Wednesday, July 25, driving down. I may or may not be attending Preview Night. The room is already reserved, 1.4 miles away from the convention center, walking distance. I guess the room sleeps three, a queen bed and a couch, so if you need a place to crash, there you go. No one has confirmed yet. I will most likely have a rental car with Neverlost(tm), so foraging for food shouldn't be too insane. I plan on driving back on Sunday morning/afternoon. If you aren't coming, you're a sucka.

If you are wanting to meet up at any of these events, contact me through the usual channels.

Unique.

Dean Motter is a terrific comic creator.

Yes, I am excited. The guy who did Mr. X, The Prisoner adaptation, and Terminal sweet-jumping-Jupiter-on-a-pogo-stick City.

Fugitive meets Twilight Zone/Outer Limits.

Am I excited?

Yes, yes I am.

If this isn't fantastic, I will do your dishes. For like, an entire night.

Slipping Beauty Castle

Fan-freaking-tastic. Thanks Troy.

Bob Barker Says: Spay or Neuter Your Pets

Now I remember what I wanted to write about. I got the We3 trade paperback this week.

Strangely enough, this was the first Grant Morrison project I've ever knowingly read. My hardcore factor just smashed through the floor, headed directly towards the Earth's chewy molten center. I just haven't had the opportunity until now.

We3 depicts a dog, a kittycat, and a bunny rabbit who have been cybernetically enhanced by a defense contractor. The animals (or "aminals" as I will refer to them from here on out) are strays that were probably dog/cat/bunny-napped from their loving owners. They are domesticated. They're also trained to kill people and blow things up, which makes lot of sense to a defense contractor. They're also trained to speak, which makes less sense.

The aminals break free when they discover they're scheduled to be euthanized. The rest of the book details their escape and quest to head "Home." It's refreshing fare. No spandex anywhere. It's like a Disney animal movie gone awry: Fuzzy lovin' and heavy machine guns. Old Yeller vs. Terminator.

I liked it. However, there are weaknesses.

First, the panel layouts are fairly jumbled and confusing. Frank Quitely's layouts are given an 'A' for effort, because you know he was fighting for a fresh approach to the pacing, but my eye had trouble following the action, particularly in the fight scenes. This is particularly problematic because this is a comic book. If this were a poorly edited kung fu movie, some jolting sequences might make sense, but if a static page of artwork looks jumbled, its because it's jumbled. Fairly unforgivable in my idiotic opinion. Just didn't like it.

Second. The story was three issues. Which made for a very short story. The plot felt rushed. The first issue deals with the introduction to the characters and their escape. The second relates the escape. The third shows the conclusion and aftermath. The structure itself is fine, but it didn't provide enough time for me to change gears wildly and really inhabit the brain of a four-legged mammal. It felt like a missed opportunity to really dig in and see the unconditional love of domesticated animals juxtaposed with the programming of an unrestrained killing machine.

The good stuff. The art is excellent with clean lines, beautiful colors. The book just looks good, previous complaints aside. The design choices were really interesting, especially the construction of the creatures, which look like squat tank-like Macintosh peripherals. I think the sleek, pointy-stuff-all-over look has been done to death, and these animals just look, um, user-friendly.

And it's just a really good story. I cared about three scared little animals that kill people. I wasn't bogged down by pretentious metaphors or overtly preachy observations on the human condition. It is what it is. It's like an 80's action film.

Finally, bonus points for a really great original idea.

Note for the kiddies, the book is a mature readers title due to scenes of intense violence and gore. Which will only make you want to check it out even more.

Nos vemos.

Low point.

Yeah, things are pretty bad if the first thing you see on your website is a picture of Spawn.

Gah! Money!

I can be a little rough on Todd McFarlane. He has a lot of money, he doesn't really do comics anymore, and his writing is a mess.

That said, he knows business.

Take a listen.

It's a half hour Fanboy Radio interview of him going off on commercial art, and it's great. I'm still not buying Spawn products, but I can see why some people would.

Fanboy Radio. The interviews are terrific, but sometimes the gushing praise coming out of Scott Heinz every second gives me severe behind-the-left-eyeball headaches. "Everything you've ever done is divinity! I wrap myself in your comics every night and chant your name! Your comics could end the conflict in the Middle East!"

You're not going to get any hard questions or straight answers out of Fanboy Radio, but every once in a while you'll hear some talented guys get up on their soapbox.

"It's a strange world... Let's keep it that way."

Currently rereading Planetary. It's hard to shake the feeling that Warren Ellis suffered a six-month pop-culture-overload-induced epileptic seizure and wrote the whole thing in a week-long meth-fueled diapered binge. It's terrific.

It's easy to miss a lot on the first time through, but not in the "LOST"-ish "Oh, I didn't see that symbol tattooed on his inner thigh" or "Oh, I should have examined that panel upside-down and through red filter lens" way that is so popular these days. I'm finding out I missed quite a lot.

It is just, like Watchmen was, a big complicated jigsaw puzzle. However, unlike Watchmen, some of the puzzle pieces don't fit. Some are the wrong size. A lot are from a different puzzle entirely, and are discarded. Not everything is wrapped in a neat package by series end, and it's okay. Some of those discarded pieces make up the most heart-wrenching stories in the tale. They're casualties.

Oh, and the puzzle is completed at the end of the run, something that certain television shows (and certain comic books) will never claim to offer.

You really need to read this, not only if you love superhero comics, but especially if you hate superhero comics.