Happy Holidays!

No snarky comments or cynical observations.

Have a Merry Christmas, everybody. Be safe, be thankful, be happy.

Laters.

Now I know I'm old.

I hit 7:30 pm, and my body just shuts down. I just want to drink some warm milk, crawl in bed, pull my covers tight, and sleep like a senior citizen.

I want to work out, but the planet is pitch dark when I leave work. I can't convince myself to join a gym. Not sure how to make the blood run more swiftly through these dusty old veins of mine.

Maybe I need to get an archenemy that can chase me around and try to kill me.

That'd get me out of bed.

My incredible Fear-Of-Death Workout.

Of course, I could just take up tapdancing.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

I'm not running a porn site here, but I thought it would be appropriate to post some pics of my unborn baby's genitalia:

That's right, it's a boy. He'd better go to the comic shop with me. He's already got a big strike against him: he's not a girl. His mom has already said she's planning on spoiling him rotten. I guess that's fair, as I've already spoiled our daughter.

Here's a less spicy shot of our new young one:

Reality keeps getting stranger and stranger.

First Person Shooter

Thanks to El Donkeljon.

No clue why this ad was banned, maybe it was all the ultraviolence.

Someone's been watching Spaced.

Check it out.

Comics Rundown 12/4/2005

I hit the comic store Friday. And I never reviewed my pile from the last trip. So let's knock this out.

Fell #3 - This series is solid. I enjoyed this issue far more than the first two. Ben Templesmith's art works. It's all about the faces and expressions in this book, and Templesmith delivers the emotions very subtlely. Jacked-up lives in a jacked-up town. A whacko in a nun's habit and a Nixon mask. People locked in their cramped apartments, terrified. This book probably just unseated Walking Dead as my favorite book. "Jeff, here's the thing. We get trained for this. I have to shoot you in the head." No robot dinosaurs. No spaceships full of super-intelligent monkeys. Just frightened people with knives, stabbing each other.

Walking Dead #23 and #24 - This book has me worried. I think it's been three issues since a zombie got shot in the head. I understand, zombie stories are about the people, and there are relationships to work out. But the pacing in this book has left the zombie standard. It's feeling too safe. The writing is more focused on the characters beating the crap out of each other (physically and emotionally) than undead feeding on fleshy brains. It hasn't been a horror comic for a while. Oh, well.

Y: The Last Man #39 - I don't know why I'm reading this book anymore. Maybe it's just me. I'm not worried about the characters. I don't care if the male subspecies is reestablished. I'm already fairly certain that Yorick is gonna find his old girlfriend. Then he'll find his monkey. I don't really care what's going to happen to the rest of the cast of characters. This book needs to wrap up soon. Or BKV needs to grab this book and beat it violently with a stick until candy comes out. Either way.

Fear Agent #1 - Tony Moore drawing a spaceman killing aliens. Good fun. Unfortunately, this falls under "Nostalgia Comic" in my mental filing cabinet. No new ground is being broken here. Buy it for the art.

Ex Machina #16 - Is Hundred gay? Or isn't he? Can Vaughan drag out the mystery longer? Can he? Mayor Hundred discovers an important... thing from his past! Which... doesn't really change anything. He's still mayor. I'm seriously convinced that Vaughan had a massive brainstorm at the start of this book, and he's bound and determined to squeeze in everything into this series before his four years are up. This makes the book feel rushed. Better than Y.

Invincible #27 - I LIKED IT! Invincible and his Dad versus a Viltrumite hit squad! And I don't see how they can possibly win! Invincible has a baby brother! I really have no clue where this book is going to go. Robert Kirkman manages to keep everything very unpredictable. Unpredictable means fun. Very good issue, yay!

Jack Cross #4 - Still not in love with the art. Sometimes the sequences are confusing, which in an action comic is not cool. Jack is keerazy. He shoots a lot of people. He saves San Francisco. He carves himself up. I think I need to read Warren Ellis' original script to fully appreciate this book, because I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something.

DMZ #1 - Hands down, coolest cover art on the rack. New Jersey secedes from the Union. Manhattan becomes a warzone. The book definitely has potential (pleasedon'tbe"Escape From New York"pleasedon'tbe"Escape From New York"). I'm also hoping that this book doesn't turn into a "Get Out of Iraq Now" political soapbox. "See, how would YOU like being occupied?" Tell the stories, build your characters, and let your audience draw their own conclusions. Too soon to tell how good this book is going to be, but the premise is interesting.

Standard disclaimer: I swear, I really do love comics.

Have a good week.

Gift idea for ya

Hands down, best present I've received in years:
A stove-top popcorn popper with a handcrank. No kidding.

I got it for my birthday or Christmas last year, can't remember which occasion.

Microwave popcorn has been abolished from my home. Now, my popcorn is prepared precisely how I like it: Fresh, hot, no butter, just a dash (One dash! No more!) of salt.

Oh, baby.

Makes me want to travel back in time and hug every Indian at the first Thanksgiving feast.

If you're stumped on a decent present this Christmas, pick up one of these bad boys. Physical gifts are mere apologies, to be sure, but if you're apologizing, at least do it in style.

We're gonna sit down and watch Rear Window now. Shaping up for nice evening.

It's a sad truth...

... but just thinking about Christmas-time makes me incredibly tired.

Especially if travel is involved. Or shopping. Or doing anything at all.

Everyday life is exhausting enough in my book.

Here's how the perfect Christmas season would go down in an ideal world:
Work would be cancelled for the entire month of December.
All telephones would cease to work for the same duration.
The sun would only come up when you told it to, to allow you as much sleep as you wished.
There would be a channel on TV playing "Tremors 2" all day, every day.
Your kitchen faucet would dispense egg nog if you were running low.
All transportation would take place during sleep. You would fall asleep thinking about who you'd need to visit, and wake up on their couch.
Any Christmas music that has been created within the last 20 years would cause instant nosebleeds and explosive vomiting, and thus banned.
All gift-giving would be entirely replaced by snuggling or interesting conversation, depending on the recipient.
Any time you felt you "needed" something gift-wise, you would be stricken by an excruciating migraine headache.

There. I'm feeling better about Christmas already. Let me know if I missed anything.

When I'm dictator of the world, this is how Christmas is going to go down. If you're not cool with that, you'd better do something to stop me right now.