Spacey Space

NEXT: Comic Book LARPing

I love this.

Another great gift idea.

I KNOW WHAT DADDY'S GETTING!

I've been especially good this year.

Dude.

Check out this dude's Legos.

End this. Now.

Hasn't there been enough suffering?

Son of a...

Ever since this XKCD comic came out, my brain has been rickrolling me about once an hour.

Freakin' freak.

Why does this crap happen to me?

(Update: Currently brainstorming ways to use this to foil the plans of those who hate freedom.)

You Monsters.

Movies that Joss Whedon was going to write, but now we'll never see because of the Writer's Guild strike:

1) The Man With The Golden Thing
2) Seven Brides For Seven Draculas
3) Avenging Benji
4) Don’t Pick At It – Oh God, What’d I Just Say?
5) The Cars That Could Turn Into Robots But No, It’s Different
6) Wonder Woman
7) Cheese For Frieda

Please, Big Hollywood Conglomerates, just give them anything they ask for. We've already lost too much.

This has got to stop.

WWFCND?

THINGS THE PUNISHER WOULD NEVER DO

Excerpt from the next Batman movie:

Batman, Master of Timing

Sorry.

We apologize.

Or, as we say in our house, "Oopsie Poopsie".

No biggy, right? Until it's you they're bundling away.

You're only one or two small coincidences away from unlawful combatant status.

Please, make it stop.

I am completely unable to refrain from scanning my spam folder. There is a worm in my brain that is constantly shouting "What if you miss a message from someone important, and they're just not added to your safelist yet?"

I can't let go.

I can't let go.

Please, let it stop.

Special Update:

I'm in Los Angeles, and I hate it here.

Sorry.

I forgot to exist for the past eleven days.

If I haven't written or called, I'm still around, just busy.

Hope you're all doing well.

It's full of stars...

Amazon just killed everyone.

This is insane. Book publishers, music studios, film studios, comic publishers. I seriously think they all just got killed by the internet.

I want to feel sorry for all those suckers, but it's looking like Amazon just did something right, and did it better than everyone else could have.

Why would I need Diamond distribution anymore if I want to self-publish a graphic novel?

What's going to stop anyone from distributing their own indy film on DVD?

What's going to stop a band from putting their own CD out, and linking to Amazon from their myspace, rather than getting screwed by a label?

POD just got funky.

Compartmentalizing

So, I've been feeling extremely scattershot lately in respect to what I'm working on and what my goals are. I'm all over the place. It's been like that scene in The Great Dictator where Hynkel is going from room to room, posing for paintings, playing piano, approving military inventions, romancing the secretary, running the government, etc.



I'm supposed to be in three different places tonight.

So I've been trying to break everything up, and attack things in chunks. I haven't been entirely successful, but I've been making a little progress. I've got two new scripts underway, I've got some ads out for artists, and a whole pile of ideas that I need to get rid of. Right now it's just an ongoing process of elimination: goal-oriented stuff stays, everything else goes. I'm seriously considering a significant alteration of my web presence.

I'll get it figured out eventually.

Yay!

FINALLY, the future is shaping up to be something I want to be a part of:

'Spider-man' suit secret revealed

Back from East Coast.

Status: Not Dead.

Takehome from Warren Ellis Panel:

Three words:

Fatal Robot Cosplay

List

Here's my list of people I got to see/meet/hear at Comicon 2007, roughly in order:

The DC writing crew, notably Dan Jurgens, Paul Dini, Dan Didio
Syd Mead - Blade Runner
Ray Bradbury
Ray Harryhausen - Superpanel, watched 20 Million Miles From Earth
George Romero - Diary of the Dead - FANTASTIC Panel, great
Max Brooks - Zombie Survival Handbook - One of us.
J. Michael Straczynski
Peter David - Writing panel, valuable event, great H. Ellison anecdote
Orson Scott Card - Writing panel
Maggie Thompson - Comic Buyers Guide
David Petersen - Mouse Guard
Warren Ellis - Nuts, but hilarious. I got the last question at the panel!
Maddie Greene - The Engine, very kind.
Ben Templesmith - Fell, 30 Days of Night - Very Australian
Jonathan Hickman - Nightly News
Brian Wood - DMZ
Dan Curtis Johnson - Chase - Had a great lunch and conversation
J. H. Williams III - Desolation Jones, insane art Skillz
Lauren McCubben - Like everyone's crazy aunt, very sweet
Grant Morrison - Off-planet
Geof Darrow - Busy drawing
Art Adams - Busy drawing
Mike Mignola - Busy drawing
Matt Wagner - Busy drawing
Sergio Aragones - Saw him walking around
Jeff Smith - Nearly crashed into him on the exhibition floor
Jim Lee - Image Panel
Todd McFarlane - Image Panel
Erik Larsen - Image Panel
Jim Valentino - Image Panel
Mark Silvestri - Image Panel
Rob Liefeld - Image Panel
Whilce Portacio - Image Panel
Robert Kirkman - Walking Dead
Charlie Adlard - Walking Dead
Ryan Ottley - Image Booth
Frazer Irving - Gutsville - SUPER friendly guy filled with awesome
Rob Schrab - Scud
Mike Oeming - Image Panel
Matt Fraction - Casanova
Kelly Sue DeConnick - 30 Days of Night, too nice for words
Tycho and Gabe - PA - CAN'T DESCRIBE HOW AWESOME THIS WAS
Mark Evanier - The Eisners
Gene Simmons - Wandering the floor
Jennifer Love Hewitt - Wandering the floor(?)
Josh Hartnett - 30 Days of Night - SCARIEST PREVIEW EVER.
Sam Raimi - 30 Days of Night - He's hilarious in real life too.
Joss Whedon - Women love him.
Brian Posehn - Image panel
Gerry Duggan - Image panel
9000 Teenage Girls with "FREE HUGS" signs - EVERYWHERE.

Too many great experiences, anecdotes, advice, and stories. Information Overload.

Photos.

Heya, here's my San Diego Comic-Con 2007 Flickr set.

Enjoy. I'm not a photographer.

This is probably my favorite shot.

I'm realizing now that I shot a lot of Star Wars shots, which wasn't wholly intentional. I think it's because most of the Star Wars costumes belonged to a select group of cosplayers that realized that they needed to cover their shame.

Seriously. The fishnet stocking market must have gone through the roof last week.

Crisis on Infinite Cons

So, I'm burning through the first wave of con reporting, and it looks like I went to a different con than everyone else.

First off, we had a blast. Face-hurty hilarious fun. Great trip.

I got some pictures, which are awful. I'll get them on Flickr tonight.

I will try to rip through as many panels and things I got into as I can before I get tired of it. The whole weekend was nuts. Also, I lost six pounds.

I'm really tired, but glad to be back within hugging range of the wife and kids. Hugs 'r gud.

More later, fear not.

Oh, right.

San Diego Comic-Con is this week.

Wait. You mean it's tomorrow?

Uhhh. Maybe I should get ready.

And then Captain America opens a Gelato stand...

This is pretty nuts. I consciously avoid superhero comics, but I have been digging the heck out of (Marvel Comics executive editor) Tom Brevoort's blog.

This was fascinating:

The original pitch for Marvel's Civil War.

Also recommended are his series of "Comics I Screwed Up" posts.

DING DING!

GO RYAN!

Ryan Hamilton's Last Comic Standing Audition

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Oh my brain.

SDCC has released their programming schedule:

http://www.comic-con.org/cci/cci07prog_peek.shtml

I'm frantically beginning the process of cloning myself. There's no way I'm going to get to everything I want to see.

I'm getting tired just thinking about it.

Of Note:

In another lifetime, I was in a comedy troupe at Ricks College. We were called the Whigs. I performed for a semester, I think. Then I met a girl and my comedy career promptly ended.

Ryan Hamilton was in that troupe with me, I think he joined at the same time I did. We auditioned together. Impressions: very nice guy, super fun to improv with, and extremely funny. I probably haven't spoken to him in 13 years.

Here's Ryan now:



He'll be on Last Comic Standing on NBC, Wednesday July 11.

http://www.ryanham.com/

Break a leg.

I can't complain.

I won't deny things are difficult. But things slowly improve.

For example: my son has grown a full set of eight magnificent teeth. If you could only see the sheer unadulterated joy on his face when he bites someone, you'd plainly see life is packed with brilliance and beauty.

When you've got teeth that you can use to bite people, what do you have to complain about, really?

Life is fantastic. Go bite somebody.

Present and accounted for.

You should probably take a look at this:

Into the Pixel art exhibition

So yeah, what's been going on?

Good things. Family is fine.

Comics: Reading some fine comics. Gutsville is insane. DMZ is still noteworthy. Criminal is so filled with amazing comics that it makes my teeth hurt. Madman is suitably weird. Looking forward to Black Summer, more Fell, more Walking Dead.

Film: Finally saw Casino Royale. My review: pretty good, much less slutty. Also, watched Donner's Superman and the Secret of NIMH again. Excellence and nostalgia, great stuff.

Games: We (as in, the family) finally got around to beating Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker on our dusty, mostly-unused Gamecube. It was very positive. The children would rather watch Dad play Zelda than watch TV, which is interesting. Wife wants more Zelda. I'm taking a more serious look at family-oriented gaming than I have in the past. It's much more rewarding when you can share the fun.

Music: I don't know why, but I can't stop listening to Freezepop these days.

So that's the summary of my consumerism for the past month. Consuming instead of producing. Yes, I do feel badly about it. I promise, I'm repenting.

Coming up:
Will be in San Diego for the Comic-con from July 25-29. Let me know if you need me to pick up anything, sketches, swag, Warren Ellis DNA samples. I have it on good authority that everyone in the known universe will be there. Everyone.

Will be in Virginia August 6-14.

That's everything. Have a good Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Curse You Bendis!

So, Wife-Lady picked up one of the Ultimate Spiderman issues I grabbed for the kids from the quarter bin.

She's hooked. She wants to start picking up the trades. That and she's wanting to pick up the Madman Gargantua hardcover, because she's been dying to read the whole run.

And she's saying she's wanting to hit the cons with me.

She's read some of my comics in the past, but it hasn't been sticky. She liked Peter David's Incredible Hulk. She was mad that I only picked up the first issue of Whedon's Serenity.

Now I have no idea what our home will be like. Never in my wildest dreams.

I have a comic wife, and I don't know what to do about it.

Morally Obligated.

I should post this. My brother Troy and some friends created a pitch for a TV show for a class project. He came to me for story ideas, and I threw him this one:

(Warning: the acting will hurt you, but the premise is there. In Youtube terms, this stuff is Shakespeare.)



It's very unsettling to talk about an idea one week, and see a video of it the next. I think I'm going to outsource all of my story ideas to college students from here on out. Never underestimate the power of a class project deadline.

Sorry, blog.

Been busy. Been sick. Been playing with kids. Been working. Been watching movies. Been reading. Been commuting.

Been is an odd word. Look at that spelling, it's a mess. Been. It's like the name of a Hanna Barbara superhero's sidekick. Gleep. Been.

Forgive me, blog. Why must we drift apart? Maybe something interesting will happen, and we'll have more to talk about.

Until then, I'll see you when I see you.

Now I know something's wrong.

I'm so sick/sleep-deprived today that both of my eyes are twitching nonstop. Either permanent nerve damage, or... permanent nerve damage.

That kind of weekend.

Sweet.

Friendly Reminder.

Tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day.

Go get yourself some goodies.

I may as well just quit now.

Best Story Idea Ever.

Was His Name-o.

APE BINGO.

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of Too Many Piercings

Saaaaaaaaan Francisco.

So, APE travelogue.

-Made the drive down to San Jose Friday night, met up with Herr Donkeljohn.
-Crashed.
-Woke up, ate delicious waffles, got ready.
-Missed the train. Played Forgotten Worlds and Sonic the Hedgehog on Don's still-functioning Sega Genesis. Shooting and Fighting.
-Missed the train again. Ate some lunch, decided to walk down to the train station and loiter.
-Rode the train, arrived at APE. It was quickly apparent that I'm not "indy" enough for APE. I knew that long beforehand, but the immediate confrontation with reality drove it home. Don and I basically wandered aimlessly, hoping to find something cool.

for (int i=0; i<999999; i=i+1)
{
LookAtBooth();
SearRetinasWithPoorlyDrawnImagesOfChicksBathingInBlood();
ScrubBrainByThinkingOfBunniesAndDaisies();
MutterUncomfortableSarcasticComment();
MoveToNextTable();
}

Don's quote really summed it up for me: "There's only so far you can get with black and red."

I don't really have problems with goths, I just stick out like a sore thumb when they congregate. It's not that I don't want to talk to them, it's that I'm too square for them to talk to me. Shrug.

So that was the negative.

Positive points:
- I did find some really neat cartoonists who were more in the funny animals (bathed in blood! no, I'm kidding.) genre. I will definitely be checking out their websites.
- Caught the art spiegelman/Franciose Mouly panel, which I really enjoyed. There was a neat discussion of using the whole page of a comic like the old Winsor McKay Little Nemo Sunday comic compositions, rather than just thinking of comics as a sequential group of images. Comics versus storyboarding. Worth the cost of entry.
- We randomly ran into Dan C. Johnson and Don introduced us. Chatted about kids and the iPhone.
- Got Runnerguy a Jim Mahfood sketch (It's coming). We kept stopping by his table and he'd be gone, or eating a burrito, or something. Finally, I just stood posted at his table like a guard at Buckingham Palace until he noticed me. Nice guy.

Highlights from the trip back:
Discarded thong on the street.
Drunken guy swaying and singing in the train station.

In summary, the trip was a success!
Many thanks to Don and family for food/shelter/one-liners!
------------------------------------------
Mission objectives completed: 100%!
Secrets found: 5/5!
You have unlocked a new weapon!

Done

The script for issue one is Done, heaven help me.

Just in time for APE.

I am so great with arbitrary, self-determined deadlines.

Oh, right, the title.

The book is called Decayed Orbits. Three issue miniseries, 22 pages per issue. Maybe.

Time slows down as you reach the speed of stupid...

APE is this weekend, and I will be there Saturday. Driving down Friday night.

We rented Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. Daughter's one-word review: "Cool!" I agree with her. Heavy environmentalism, lots of action, outstanding production design. It's a film you'll wish you could see the concept art for. The plot is iffy, but it's okay. Dubbed voice work by Patrick Stewart, Edward James Olmos, Uma Thurman.

If Miyazaki's environmental epics are like the Star Wars Trilogy, Nausicaa is A New Hope. Castle in the Sky and Princess Mononoke are Empire and Jedi. No, she hasn't seen Mononoke.

There's shooting in it, more than I expected. It's not ultraviolent, in fact it is very toned down, with very little blood. Daughter has finally associated guns with killing, which I'm not too concerned about. She made a gun out of Duplo blocks and shot me. She called it a "Boom" and told me I died. I agreed with her. We've been cautious about violence around her, and I'm just thrilled she got to age three before she figured it out. She's a very kind and helpful soul. Violence isn't part of her persona, but she digs a good action scene. She's very into drama.

Noob Runner stuff: My legs are falling off. I've almost beaten my college time in the mile and a half run (and I weighed a lot less then). I'm running between 2-3 miles per day. What's good for shin splints? I keep giving myself time to heal, and then they return whenever I push myself. Stretches, treatments, suggestions?

Still here.

I'm still here, just very busy.

Highlights: Potty training, running, trying to find quiet moments to write. Hoping for at least an hour tonight.

There was Easter in there somewhere.

The System Hates Dick Dale.

Screw it.

I was reading Mike Allred's The Golden Plates last night with my daughter. My boss lent them to me, how cool is that?

There's a beheading in the first few pages. It's not like I was surprised, I'm intimately familiar with the content.

My previous post. I am not going to worry about violence in my writing. I've been listening to far too many pacifist wusses for too long (including the one in my head).

As long as it's going somewhere, and not violence for violence's sake.

Now that I've clarified that to myself, I feel so much better.

My script is so awesome and so sucky. I kill people in my head.

I don't know.

Looking over my script, I'm seeing people getting shot and blown up.

I really don't hate people. I'm pretty sure I'm going somewhere with all this.

In my head, this whole story was a lot more James Joyce. Now it's like playing in the ball-pit at McDonalds, only the balls are all hand grenades.

I'm a little concerned, but also secretly pleased that my script is so cool.

Yes, I know. It's going to suck. But it will be so cool while sucking.

Maybe I need to stop watching 24.

Final cleanup, then ready for being ripped apart, I swear. It's "done."

Now it needs to be Done.

BANNED: Anvils, mallets, firearms, light bulbs, and butcher knives.

Me: "Why aren't you asleep?"

Daughter: "There's a mouse in my bed."

Me: "Really? Let me check it out."

Me: "I don't see anything, honey. Are you sure?"

Daughter: "Yes."

Me: "Where is he?"

Daughter: "Right there."

Me: "Hm. I don't see anything. Wait, is this an invisible mouse?"

Daughter: "Yes."

Me: "..."

Me: "Okay, what's his name?"

Daughter: "Jerry."

Me: "Of course it is."


Thank you, Mr. Quimby. Thanks a ton.

I am so happy for my friend...

... and I am not jealous in the least that Runnerguy got to meet Simon Pegg and Nick Frost from Spaced and Shaun of the Dead on Saturday.

And he saw Hot Fuzz.



Not jealous in the least. (Yes, he did kung-fu that old lady in the face.)


Freakin' freak. At least he sent pics. Not jealous.

Best Batman Pitch Ever:

Excerpt from an interview with Tony Millionaire at The Daily Crosshatch:

"Would you be interested in taking on a full Batman book?"

"Yeah, I’ve actually pitched them a few before."

"What kind of stories did you pitch?"

"I had one where Batman went completely broke. His corporation went completely broke. He was like, ‘should I throw this Batarang? These cost me $550 each. I’m not really sure I can afford to throw it. I should probably just run.’ And he had to sell all his cars and ride a bicycle around. If anyone sees him on a bicycle with his costume on, they’ll catch him, so he can’t even wear that anymore. He just has to wear a t-shirt and run around. They said, “no, we’re not going to do that” [laughs]. I’d like to do a story about the real Batman, what a real Batman would be like. Just some guy, who’s not really that rich. He’d just run around and try to figure out where the crime is. In my neighborhood, all he’d be doing is running up to cars where they’re selling drugs out the window."

Helpful brother.

Troy is helpful, friendly, courteous, and kind.

I believe this is my first appearance on the interweb.

I'm... internet infamous.



Update: Fixed.

Wondercon 2007: Part 6: The Final Revengemption

I tire.

Final Highlights:

- Rick Remender is filthy, and can turn Brian Posehn's ears red.

- Vertigo market drones spouting markety bleah with some BKV tossed in, looking pale. Seriously, Brian K. Vaughan has never been exposed to direct sunlight. Very nice fellow, though.

- Met Ryan Ottley and JH Williams III, filled with awesomeness.

- Art Adams can draw like the Dickens, but is slow like the... something.

- Mike Mignola dropped everything he was doing and drew me this, so, y'know, screw all y'all:



FINAL VERDICT: Did Not Die at Wondercon 2007.

Wondercon 2007: Part 5: "They're just head shots."

The Argent sketch I got from Matt Wagner:

Keen.

Wondercon 2007: Part 4: Killing Floor

I know, I know. Wondercon was a week ago, and in Internet-time, that's four eons.

Think of this as part of my memoirs from the eve of my electronic life.

Left the Loeb thingie, worked my way back down to the main hall. Worked is the correct verb. Things had gotten a bit crowded, exacerbating my anxiety a wee bit. I took a deep breath, went on autopilot, and channeled raw aggression.

I first hit the DC/Vertigo booth, where Pia Guerra of Y: The Last Man was signing. Impressions: way too nice to be in the room. She was seriously sweet, like your cousin who's never said anything bad about anyone. She really was that nice. She let me know that Y would wrap up in issue 60, and that she was sobbing every time she read though a new script. She signed a couple of my books, and I thanked her.

Matt Freakin' Wagner's booth was nearby, and he was signing. We meet again. I was not about to back down again so I jumped in the bearded guy's line. A sweet little pregnant lady and her husband/boyfriend were in line in front of me.

Her: "What do I say to him? I don't even know what he does!"
Him: "I think he draws 300. His movie's coming out."
Her: "What's his name?"

I was a bit confused, but helpful:

Me: "Just tell him that Christine Spar is your personal hero and that her internal conflicts were sharply juxtaposed with the geopolitical repercussions of Grendel's influence."
Her: "What?"
Me: "Tell him, nice comic books."

Matt was cool. There was a lady and her shy little daughter further up in line, and he sketched Batman for the little girl. He was not child-averse, which scores bonus points in my book.

He signed my comics and drew me a sketch of Argent. I babbled stupid things that I regret. It was really neat.

Note to self: Only at conventions can you feel so good about yourself while being such a complete retard.

Other note to self: Scan sketch and upload tonight to show off to jealous millions.

Wondercon 2007: Part 3: Why Aren't You Jeph Loeb?

At this point I hit the Oni table and picked up Scott Pilgrim Volume 1 and Capote in Kansas. I was looking for a trade of Wasteland, but no luck.

Spot my watch and it's almost 2pm. Time to check out the Jeph Loeb panel.

Jumped in line, started going through my con program, circling booths I wanted to hit before leaving. Listened to a couple of guys arguing about Hillary Swank being in the new TMNT movie (she isn't, but they reasoned if she was at the con, she had to be). Then the line started moving. I got pretty good seat, right by the speaker. The con organizers were very sensitive about their speaker volume and placement, and it was just right. I didn't get my eardrums blown out.

Mr. Jeph Loeb arrived alone. Loeb gives off a great "hardworking dad" vibe. I'm not really going to cover the topics he discussed, you can pick up the details at Newsarama or CBR, but I'll write about impressions. I was mostly impressed with Loeb's work ethic, which was apparent in his demeanor when he talked about his work. This is a guy who works full time on Heroes, and writes a handful of monthly comics on the side. He's a robot.

I will bring up one important point that stood out to me when I heard him speak. He was answering a question about the difference between himself and other less prolific writers. He explained that the fans can be very unforgiving with late creators, but that the late creators are even less forgiving of themselves. They fall behind because they want their work to be excellent. He said it was okay to be late, if the book was good. It was okay to be bad, if the book's on time. But if the book is bad and late, you're screwed. He said that in speaking with other writers/artists, the inclination is to say "It's got to be Watchmen."

Loeb's reply is "It's got to be done."

So yeah, I was repeatedly punching myself in the face on the way out of that room. Lesson learned, now working on the application.

It needs to be done. Tattoo that on my forehead.

Great spotlight, I was very glad I attended. Hearing Loeb speak was worth the price of admission alone.

That and hearing him pitch "Hulk: The Strongest There Is." That's going to be cool.

Wondercon 2007: Part 2: Let's Offend Everyone!

At roughly noon, I made my way into the main hall.

The main hall was fairly disorienting, as there are countless booths, hordes of costumed folk, and the map in the program is useless. I immediately tried to work my way towards the Artists Alley, consciously avoiding physical contact and not succeeding at all. Crowd anxiety started sinking in at this point.
I started down the autograph aisles, and quickly realized that I was entirely unprepared for this con. I had no game plan. I'm a computer guy. I work in procedures. I found myself standing by Matt Wagner's booth, suddenly aware that I was not psychically geared up to talk to strangers. I didn't have my "Retard-proof Script" that I could run if I found myself speaking incoherently and quickly excuse myself.
I ran away.
I wandered down each aisle, avoiding eye contact. Several folks tried to catch my attention and were very cordial, but I ignored them. A model-lady pressed some promotional materials into my hand, cheerfully telling me, "Don't worry, I don't bite!" I mumbled something and wandered away.
Finally, I snapped myself out of my near-fugue state. I got a hold of myself and decided to hunt down the DC booth. I didn't find it, but I did come across the Image Comics booth. Finally, familiar territory. I checked out the booth, looking over the books, hoping to recognize someone.

I did.

It was Rick Remender, Brian Posehn, and some other guy (Gerry Duggan). They were promoting their apocalyptic Santa story, "The Last Christmas."

I enthusiastically greeted Remender, got him to sign my Fear Agent comics, and made some noises about The Engine. I acknowledged Posehn's presence, and completely ignored Duggan. I think Brian was a bit surprised that I was ignoring the TV celebrity guy and chatting up the unknown penciler/writer guy, so I asked to purchase a copy of their trade paperback. The three of them kindly signed it. Brian made fun of how I spell my name, while Gerry was silent. I barely looked at him. He was very cool about it, but also seemed a bit aloof.

I thanked them, walked a short distance, and realized I had been a total jerk. It was one of many lessons I would learn that day.

When dealing with strangers, I still manage to offend people no matter how polite I strive to be.

I officially apologize now for not knowing who the heck he was. I bought his book, I hope that makes up for the affront. Next time I see Gerry Duggan, I'm totally going to act like his biggest fan and pretend that "The Last Christmas" is the only comic I've ever read.

I hope that doesn't offend him.

Wondercon 2007: Saturday Extravaganza! Part 1: The Quickenering

Got back from Wondercon last night around 10:30pm.

I only hit the con all day on Saturday, which longer than I was physically capable of and less than I needed.

The trip started Friday night when I drove down to visit my good friend Don and his parents, who kindly let me crash at their lovely home. We stayed up all night playing Alien Hominid on his Xbox 360 and talking about girls (our daughters). We beat the game on Medium difficulty, which was insanely hard for me. This was a good exercise in tenacity, which would serve me well later. Some Soviet Missile Mastar later on was a good exercise in futility, which would serve me not at all. PWNED.

Going to bed at 2am at 30 is different from going to bed at 2am when you're 18. I passed out and woke up at around 10 on Saturday. Ate a good breakfast, drove to the rail station.

Got on the train, got off the train. Did not die.

Walked to the con. A stormtrooper directed me to the pre-reg line. I was greatly relieved at this point, as I was certain I would outlive 80% of the attendees there, should a disaster occur. I try not to prejudge folk and measure myself against others, such comparisons are inherently unfair. But when you're standing next to a bare-chested beergut with a lightsaber and a Naruto headband, it's only a matter of simple mental arithmetic.

If Wondercon is the Donner Party, the Jedi/ninjas get eaten first. If you're not wearing a shirt and you've got a plastic sword, you're food. If you're dressed like Catwoman, you're hors d'oeuvres.

Three days...

Only three days until Wondercon, and I'm wondering why I have butterflies in my stomach. I already have a wife/girlfriend, it's not like I'm going on a date or anything. Why am I nervous?

Possible reasons:
- I've been reading horror stories from the NY Comicon.
- I'm going alone.
- I've never ridden the BART before.
- I don't know my way around San Francisco.
- I'm not an extrovert.
- I actually want to make contacts and bounce around script ideas.
- I hate crowds.
- I'm afraid I'll miss something.
- I'm afraid I'm going to piss off Mike Mignola.
- This is my first big con.
- This is my first con in roughly 15 years.

Aaaand I think that's the whole list. I feel like I'm 15 again.

When I was a kid, cons were fun, like birthday parties. Even when I went without any money, my friends and brothers were there, we'd get into trouble, and we'd have fun. We'd try new things (not substances). We'd talk to strangers. We'd waltz right up to folks with reputations and talk to them, because we had no idea who they were and why they were important.

About fifteen years ago I blew off meeting Colleen Doran because I was busy trying to trade a pile of Spawn Comics for some Lone Wolf and Cub issues. She drew princesses and crap. Am I kicking myself now? Dear me, yes.

I LARPed one time. Which was enough.

I met Chris Sprouse just as he was starting to pencil Robin. I never got his autograph because I only read Marvel or Dark Horse comics, and I thought DC sucked. I was that guy.

Our gang crashed so many roleplaying tournaments I was afraid we were going to be boycotted.

I met Roger Zelazny shortly before he died. I was an Amber fanatic. He asked me about my Tshirt, which is about the biggest compliment a distinguished writer can pay a depressed teenager.

I stayed up all night watching Vampire Hunter D and Akira and Black Magic M-66.

Maybe this is why I'm so nervous. Those were the good memories of my high school years. My positive high school memories compose a very short list. I guess I'm a little afraid I won't have as much fun this time around, and that I'm too much of a grown-up for all this.

I may be too responsible and firmly entrenched in reality to enjoy it.

Screw that noise. I'm going to go pick a fight with Darth Maul.

Do Yourself A Favor.

Go rent Orson Welles' Touch of Evil.

This film is ending my mostly unintentional Charleton Heston marathon.

It's meaty, morally ambiguous noir. The characters are people you've probably met, only with screwier lives. Heston's raw charisma is nearly overshadowed by the monolithic Welle's slouching silhouette in each of their shared scenes. This is two serious heavyweights going toe to toe, and it's great.

A car bomb goes off in a Mexican border town, which launches an investigation. Lives get ruined. People die. It's a great crime story.

At least check it out to see Heston playing a Mexican and Orson Welles slamming down candy bars.

A Call For Peace.

As our elected representatives debate the current status of the war, I would beg them to view the message below and solemnly consider their actions.



Biznizz. Yeah, c'mon.

I'm going to hell.

Check.

Busy, a bit.

Yesterday I read the entire Internet.

We got Kate to eat 14 whole bites of her dinner.

Finished plotting.

Wrote some.

Watched Lost, because I love my wife, and I got to sit next to her.

Dreamt about giant robots and robbing a Walmart (using said robots).

Con Plans, ah, yes, the Con Plans...

Okie dokie. Con season is rapidly approaching.

Here's the rundown:

I will definitely be at Wondercon on Saturday, March 3 in San Francisco.

Depending on how Wondercon goes, I will possibly be attending APE on Saturday, April 21 in San Francisco.

I plan on being at the San Diego Comicon. Probably will arrive the night of Wednesday, July 25, driving down. I may or may not be attending Preview Night. The room is already reserved, 1.4 miles away from the convention center, walking distance. I guess the room sleeps three, a queen bed and a couch, so if you need a place to crash, there you go. No one has confirmed yet. I will most likely have a rental car with Neverlost(tm), so foraging for food shouldn't be too insane. I plan on driving back on Sunday morning/afternoon. If you aren't coming, you're a sucka.

If you are wanting to meet up at any of these events, contact me through the usual channels.

Unique.

Dean Motter is a terrific comic creator.

Yes, I am excited. The guy who did Mr. X, The Prisoner adaptation, and Terminal sweet-jumping-Jupiter-on-a-pogo-stick City.

Fugitive meets Twilight Zone/Outer Limits.

Am I excited?

Yes, yes I am.

If this isn't fantastic, I will do your dishes. For like, an entire night.

Slipping Beauty Castle

Fan-freaking-tastic. Thanks Troy.

Bob Barker Says: Spay or Neuter Your Pets

Now I remember what I wanted to write about. I got the We3 trade paperback this week.

Strangely enough, this was the first Grant Morrison project I've ever knowingly read. My hardcore factor just smashed through the floor, headed directly towards the Earth's chewy molten center. I just haven't had the opportunity until now.

We3 depicts a dog, a kittycat, and a bunny rabbit who have been cybernetically enhanced by a defense contractor. The animals (or "aminals" as I will refer to them from here on out) are strays that were probably dog/cat/bunny-napped from their loving owners. They are domesticated. They're also trained to kill people and blow things up, which makes lot of sense to a defense contractor. They're also trained to speak, which makes less sense.

The aminals break free when they discover they're scheduled to be euthanized. The rest of the book details their escape and quest to head "Home." It's refreshing fare. No spandex anywhere. It's like a Disney animal movie gone awry: Fuzzy lovin' and heavy machine guns. Old Yeller vs. Terminator.

I liked it. However, there are weaknesses.

First, the panel layouts are fairly jumbled and confusing. Frank Quitely's layouts are given an 'A' for effort, because you know he was fighting for a fresh approach to the pacing, but my eye had trouble following the action, particularly in the fight scenes. This is particularly problematic because this is a comic book. If this were a poorly edited kung fu movie, some jolting sequences might make sense, but if a static page of artwork looks jumbled, its because it's jumbled. Fairly unforgivable in my idiotic opinion. Just didn't like it.

Second. The story was three issues. Which made for a very short story. The plot felt rushed. The first issue deals with the introduction to the characters and their escape. The second relates the escape. The third shows the conclusion and aftermath. The structure itself is fine, but it didn't provide enough time for me to change gears wildly and really inhabit the brain of a four-legged mammal. It felt like a missed opportunity to really dig in and see the unconditional love of domesticated animals juxtaposed with the programming of an unrestrained killing machine.

The good stuff. The art is excellent with clean lines, beautiful colors. The book just looks good, previous complaints aside. The design choices were really interesting, especially the construction of the creatures, which look like squat tank-like Macintosh peripherals. I think the sleek, pointy-stuff-all-over look has been done to death, and these animals just look, um, user-friendly.

And it's just a really good story. I cared about three scared little animals that kill people. I wasn't bogged down by pretentious metaphors or overtly preachy observations on the human condition. It is what it is. It's like an 80's action film.

Finally, bonus points for a really great original idea.

Note for the kiddies, the book is a mature readers title due to scenes of intense violence and gore. Which will only make you want to check it out even more.

Nos vemos.

Low point.

Yeah, things are pretty bad if the first thing you see on your website is a picture of Spawn.

Gah! Money!

I can be a little rough on Todd McFarlane. He has a lot of money, he doesn't really do comics anymore, and his writing is a mess.

That said, he knows business.

Take a listen.

It's a half hour Fanboy Radio interview of him going off on commercial art, and it's great. I'm still not buying Spawn products, but I can see why some people would.

Fanboy Radio. The interviews are terrific, but sometimes the gushing praise coming out of Scott Heinz every second gives me severe behind-the-left-eyeball headaches. "Everything you've ever done is divinity! I wrap myself in your comics every night and chant your name! Your comics could end the conflict in the Middle East!"

You're not going to get any hard questions or straight answers out of Fanboy Radio, but every once in a while you'll hear some talented guys get up on their soapbox.

"It's a strange world... Let's keep it that way."

Currently rereading Planetary. It's hard to shake the feeling that Warren Ellis suffered a six-month pop-culture-overload-induced epileptic seizure and wrote the whole thing in a week-long meth-fueled diapered binge. It's terrific.

It's easy to miss a lot on the first time through, but not in the "LOST"-ish "Oh, I didn't see that symbol tattooed on his inner thigh" or "Oh, I should have examined that panel upside-down and through red filter lens" way that is so popular these days. I'm finding out I missed quite a lot.

It is just, like Watchmen was, a big complicated jigsaw puzzle. However, unlike Watchmen, some of the puzzle pieces don't fit. Some are the wrong size. A lot are from a different puzzle entirely, and are discarded. Not everything is wrapped in a neat package by series end, and it's okay. Some of those discarded pieces make up the most heart-wrenching stories in the tale. They're casualties.

Oh, and the puzzle is completed at the end of the run, something that certain television shows (and certain comic books) will never claim to offer.

You really need to read this, not only if you love superhero comics, but especially if you hate superhero comics.

Don't Worry About It, You'll Be Fine...

Yeah, I'm not big on pulsing headaches. I haven't started a weekly podcast singing their praises. Not a fan. For some reason, though, pulsing headaches have been a big part of my life this weekend.

Maybe it's all that exercise I've been doing for the last few of months. We can fix that.

Wife-Lady has informed me that in the Heroes/24 throwdown going down tonight, Heroes is going to be the winner in our home. I'm surprised. I'm not big on pulsing headaches, but I am big on nuclear explosions and fallout (the fictional kind, not the real kind).

Aaaand I'm blogging about television again. Seriously, what's my problem?

Comic-wise, I'm reading tons of writer interviews in this and this, which have been very exciting reads (non-affiliate links). It's very motivational. I've got my nine issue series laid out.

The only time I've submitted a script sample was to Dark Horse comics back in 1996 or so. I was probably 19. It was an awful script, and they told me to keep trying. I think I knew it would be rejected even before I submitted it. I knew zero about comics. I did a very mature, responsible thing and gave up immediately. I also stopped buying comics for about eight years.

I have no idea why I started buying comics again, nor do I have any idea why I started writing again.

I still know very little, particularly about writing them. I have no plans to make writing comics my occupation, but I do enjoy doing it. I'm a part-timer. I'm lazy. I procrastinate. My current goal is a page a day. That should mean roughly a comic a month. I second-guess every word I write.

I think I'm more Harvey Pekar than Peter David.

According to Peter, he bangs out a comic script in about six hours.

And that's why I hate people like Peter David.

The first step is recognizing you have a problem.

Gaming quote of the day:

From my daughter:

"I love it when Daddy kills the robots."

Wormsign.

News: None, really. Everybody's getting sick.

The oranges in California are all dying.

I suspect this man to be the cause:

What else? Last night, I just read a Todd McFarlane interview that was about the most inspiring, motivating piece of work I've ever read, for all the wrong reasons: "I just make up pages, and shuffle them around until I think it looks okay. I don't know anything about writing!" Astounding.

Watched Soylent Green (obviously) and Dune last week.

Soylent Green was awful, but only half as awful as The Omega Man was. The only redeeming quality of the film was the clear evidence that Charleton Heston is one heck of an actor. Even when the material is dross, he dominates every second of every scene. He could have pulled off the Ten Commandments even if he had been wearing a clown suit.

As for Dune, it still holds up very well. I don't know precisely why it got the abuse it did at its release. The acting held up. The special effects were serviceable. The story was challenging and a little swiss-cheesed from the novel, but it was still followable. Paul's the good guy, the Harkonnens are the bad guys, Paul's a freaking arch-diety. Very simple. And the production design was excellent.

Finally: the quantity of quotable lines approaches infinity, or maybe, eight.

"My name is a killing word."

"What's in the box?" "Pain."

"They tried and failed?" "They tried and died."

"The Sleeper has Awakened!"

"Fear is the Mindkiller. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration."

"It is by will alone I set my mind in motion."

"The spice must flow."

and...

"I WILL KILL YOU!"

(See also: Milking Cats.)

Foods that Conner Enjoys:

Cheerios
Cheese
Toast
Baby Snacky Things
Pears
Applesauce
Peaches
Soylent Green

Dump.

Why is it that all my good ideas come to me in the shower, where I don't have anything to write on? I'm working my way back into to making writing a regular habit. Convention season is coming up, and I at least want to walk in knowing I have something in my holster, even if it's a Derringer.

Here, I'm getting all the music videos that are trapped in my head dumped out.

I inflict, I don't share.



Behave - Charlotte Hatherley. I'm not a girl-rock person, but Charlotte Hatherley is just too darn catchy. Macross Saga/Wing Commander visuals. And creepy drunken naughtiness.



Hell Yes - Beck. Beck is Beck, and I've been grinding through his stuff again over the last six months. Dancing robots.



Here It Goes Again - OK Go. Not new, but still fun. I know zero about Ok Go. Honestly, this is only included because Kate can't get enough of this video. Which means multiple, multiple viewings.

Interweb 2.9!

Despite how stupid the entire Web 2.0 movement sounds, periodically they kick out a real gem.

For example:
-Youtube works.
-GEverything works great.
-Del.icio.us is freaking heavensent manna, stuffed with Starburst and Werthers like a celestial piñata.
-Digg is... a prime example of the idiocy of mob rule, but it works.

I started using Netvibes a week or two ago. It mostly works. Some bugs in the RSS feed updates, a little chunky when running on a slower computer, but it's mighty handy for compiling all my feeds/blogs/mail into a single customized page. It's almost there. I will keep using it.

Try it, tell me I'm dumb for liking it.

Superdeedooper Heroes!

Since I haven't blogged in forever, I'm castigating myself with forced television blogging. Like a weathered scourge. Spare the fortieth lash.

I'm pretty big on escapism in its various forms. Any time I hear of a new fanboy movement, however, I cringe and try to hold the material in question at arms length.

Which is why I've avoided NBC's Heroes like the plague, until now.

Flashback, Saturday morning. I was bored. I was supposed to be writing or cleaning. Or rebuilding my PC. Or any number of more important things.

But instead, I wound up heading over to NBC's website and checking out the show. They put all of the episodes from the first season online. So I watched the first one.

And then I watched the rest of them.

It was a television binge I hadn't experienced as badly since I got hooked on 24.

It's not Shakespeare. Lots of people get superpowers and are very confused. But it is engaging and original. It's hard to pull out new surprises when you're feeding a horde of comic book fans that have been "shooting up" the superhero drug for a lifetime.

I liked it. And I like Jeph Loeb.

This from a guy who's gone through superhero rehab.

If you've got a Saturday when you should be doing other things, check it out.

It could definitely be a lot worse.

Ah, memories.

Remember when I used to blog?

I do.